EP15: Giving Hope and Rising From the Ashes


Are you ready to tap in to your power within, so that your business can reach its truest potential? Hi, I’m Candice Hozza, and I help business entrepreneurs access their inner GPS, so that their business can grow and thrive. You are here to serve and to create an impact in this world. Welcome to the Intuitive Business Podcast.

                Hello, everyone. I just wanted to say, from the top of my heart, the bottom and both sides, that I’m really welcoming you here today. Let’s just take a deep breath in today, because we all need it, especially me, maybe you too. I feel when I breathe in, that it just reminds me of life, and that I have life, and that life really is good. I’m sitting here in my office a little bit frustrated with myself, because, for some reason, my podcast just wouldn’t come out of me. And I know the reason why. I was in my head, I was saying, “What should I say? What do people need to hear? How can I make them feel better?” And as I sat with that, the more confused, and the more confused, and the more confused, the more stock I became.

                And so, today, I just hit record, and I popped on just like you were sitting here with me as my friend in a crazy time. And we both have this big glass of water, and we’re sitting in my office together. And as we sit here together, we might be hearing some of the birds cheeping as they’re cheeping right now, and some of the white tufts on my tree have fallen away, and little buds of green leaves are coming up. My hostas were, about a week and a half ago, they were about two inches, and now they’re about nine to 10 inches in just a week and a half. And the little puffy pink tree that’s next to me, half of the pink flowers are on, and half of the red leaves are on.

                And it just reminds me of all this new growth and all of the things that are happening naturally, that’s coming through the earth, they don’t know, these trees don’t know that we have this crazy time in our lives, this pandemic. And I promise, I’m not going to be talking about that much. Because, the reality of it is, is there’s hope and there’s miracles all around us. I’ll never forget, I was sitting with my financial advisor and I really like him. He’s such a developed soul and I just feel like I trust him so much, which is probably a pretty good thing for my financial advisor, who has quite a lot of my funds that he manages.

                And we were sitting at a corner coffee shop and we were looking out, and I said something about miracles. And he said, “Wow,” he goes, “Miracles, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a miracle.” And I said, “Do you want me to show you one?” And he said, “Wow, yeah.” And I said, “Turn around and look out of that window.” And we were sitting in a corner section with big, long windows. And outside was a fairly small, maybe eight-foot tree, and it too, back then, had buds on it. And I said, “Nobody told that tree to start budding its little flowers and leaves.” And I said, “But yet, it happened.” And I said, “Isn’t that a miracle?” And he said, “I never thought about it like that. Yeah, it is.”

                I said, “Miracles are all around us, each and every one of us, each and every day. And all that we simply have to do is be aware and look around.” So, today, I want to tell you a story about something that’s an actual documented miracle in my life. And I want to share this story today to bring you hope. Because, some of us might start feeling that this is an impossible situation that we’re living in. We can’t see when the future’s coming or when we’ll be released from our sit down time-out chair, and figure out what it is that you need to do next. So, I started thinking about how well miracles can be just that miraculous, miracles might not always be the easiest things to achieve.

                And so, here’s my story of not being able to see an end in sight, but still holding onto the hope. And that’s what I’m going to offer you today. So, pull up a sharp rock, pull up a cup of hot tea, and look out the windows with me, and watch the joggers, and the scooters, and the children with sidewalk chalk, as you hear the story of my personal miracle, to give you hope today. I’m trying to think how to put a pre-frame on the time of when this happened. I guess I was about 30 years old and my daughter was five. And my daughter just popped into the world. One day, it was like, we were fairly newlyweds, married about a year and a half, and the next thing we know, this beautiful young lady, Carly, is coming into our world.

                And she came in just like that, and we accepted her just like that. And it was so perfect. And I have this little girl, and she had blonde, curly hair, and she looked like Shirley Temple. And every sound that she’s spoke was enunciated with joy and happiness. She sang songs, she told me she loved me, she smooshed my cheeks together. She told me I was a little too fluffy. She brought me joy in every ounce and corner of my life. Her father traveled a lot, so, we really had a lot of time to bond and to get to know each other and spend special time together. And so, after she was getting to be about three or four years old, I had been raised as an only child and I thought to myself, “This is the one thing I absolutely did not want for my child, is to be raised alone.”

                While I was raising Carly, I was still young woman. I was only 25. So, I put all of my energy and fun and playfulness into this adorable, happy little girl. And so, we both had a good life, and I worked a partial shift, I worked 12:00 to 5:00, and then again 9:30 to midnight. So, I had a lot of freedom. I lived in a residence hall with 365 women. So, sometimes a whole floor of college students would invite her up to have a party. They would make gift baskets, or, for Halloween, she could go trick-or-treating on all their doors. They would dress her up and take her around and bring her back. So, she had quite a good life. And I really, really wanted another child.

                And so, I put that out there and for a couple of years, not overly serious, but I remember I was in Phoenix, Arizona, and my husband and I were on this phenomenal vacation. And back in the day, we stayed in this room, and this is many, many years ago, probably about 28 years ago. And we stayed in a hotel that if you pushed buttons, blinds would go up and down by themselves, and it was really, it seemed very fancy to me. And it wasn’t just a room, it was like a villa. So, I thought, “Wow, this is the coolest thing ever.” And it was my 30th birthday. And on that day, in Phoenix, Arizona, I said to my husband, “I want to be serious about starting to try to have our second child.” And he really didn’t answer.

                He came from a family of five, and it wasn’t unusual for him not to answer. That was kind of a style that he had. And so, a couple years went by, and I noticed that we were zigging and zagging, and I’m not sure that, actually, I know we were not on the same page with this baby-making plan. And so, it started to get to be a bit painful. Because, if you think about it, if you’re following the rules of marriage and you’re in love with somebody and you’re just with that person and you want to have a child with just that person, if they aren’t quite on board at the time, it’s a very difficult situation. You’re either making a child, or you’re not making a child. But when one’s going in one direction and one’s going to the other, it becomes interesting, to say the least.

                I wouldn’t bring this up a lot, but not necessarily in the most positive way after a few years. After a few years, it was getting wearing and taxing on me emotionally. And it really affected intimacy. Because, if you’re not on the same page in that area, that’s a really difficult thing. And you can get more communication from a girlfriend, or a guy friend, or less communication or whatever. If your husband doesn’t like scary movies and you do, you can get a friend to go out. But when we talk about having children, and then if you’re in a monogamous marriage, you can have one conversation with one person, your husband, about that. So, things just, I felt stuck in life around this issue.

                I knew what I wanted, and I knew it wasn’t happening, and I knew why it wasn’t happening. And I was frustrated. So, time kept moving on, and I’ll never forget, like I said, I worked in a residence hall at a university, and so, my shift ended at 7:00 A.M. My daughter, if my husband traveled, she would spend the night with me at an apartment at the university, and we would sleep there together. It was a beautiful apartment. It had two bedrooms, two bathrooms, dishwasher, back porch. It was very nice. It was free, too. And we lived there for a while and had saved money, but we had a house and I was required to live there. So, that’s what our living situation was.

                Sometimes I’d wake up a lot earlier than she did, but I’d let her sleep. And then we’d wake up and then we’d leave the housing office or the apartment and we would drive 10 minutes home and I’d prepare for school and get her on the bus, and then go back to work at noon, and then go back to work again at nine o’clock at night and tuck her in between 9:00 and 9:30 and then step out into my office or wherever I was needed. Because it was a connected office. So, I was waking up a little earlier, and all of a sudden, I felt this feeling, and it was the same feeling that I remembered before when I nursed my daughter. It’s a very unusual feeling. It’s, when you’re going to nurse them, there’s this feeling called a let-down, and it’s a feeling of euphoria. And it’s almost like the hormone shoots through your body and it’s very, very distinct.

                And my daughter by then was probably about six years old, seven years old. So, it had been six or seven years since I had experienced that. And it was that distinct that I was wondering if something was wrong with me. Until that one morning, it happens again. And this time, I asked better questions. With intuition, and when I do intuitive readings in the Akashic Records, it’s always about the questions that we ask that give us the distinctions and the clarity. So, that particular morning, I closed my eyes and I said, “Is there a baby there?” And I don’t know what made me ask that question. But the minute I did, I had my eyes closed, but I could feel the baby almost enter, the energy of the baby.

                And what I saw is kind of like a concave room with this warm white light that’s very bright but it didn’t hurt my eyes to look at it. It was just very, very bright. And then I saw it. I saw this little boy, just the face, just the head of this little boy. I don’t know how I knew it was a little boy. He had blonde hair, it was straight. It was parted on the right side and combed over. And it was the same color as my daughter’s, except hers was bouncy curls. This was a baby that was probably about 16 months old. I could tell it wasn’t walking, even though it only had a head. But the smile, my God, to this day, I still remember that smile and I fell in love with this little boy almost instantly.

                My daughter had more chubby-full cheeks. This little baby had a more, I don’t want to say chiseled jaw, but there was a more distinct line, jawline. And instead of big, round eyes, this little boy had an almond-shaped eye. But it was weird, the color of the eyes, I couldn’t distinguish if they were blue or or brown, but it seemed like they were a mixture of a gray. And it was almost an unusual gray. And that was my son. And I knew in every single part of my being that this little boy was coming to my world, and that he was my son. Unshakable, unmistakable. And so, I told my husband about this. I’m really not sure how he felt about it, there was silence. A couple eye-rollings, I believe, which this is part of a normal conversation with them.

                And finally, I think he said something like, “Well, we’ll see.” And after a few months of, “We’ll see,” I said to him, “Can’t we just…” If this vision, which I can’t say I had many visions in my life that were so distinct and so knowing that every part of me knew that this was truth. I’ve had some, but this one was probably the highest and best I’ve ever had. And I just said to my husband, “Hey, why don’t we let the big guy or the big lady upstairs make this decision for us? Why don’t we just trust that if this little boy is meant to come, that he’ll come, but we have to be open to it, we have to be accepting to this? And are you accepting to this?” And I don’t think I really got a status on it. That’s how it was left. And I just kept hoping that this little baby would come.

                A little time after that, my husband’s father became really sick. He was sick in June and he lost use of one of his arms, and things weren’t going well. And by August, he was diagnosed with cancer. And I remember, it was the first weekend in August, and I remember Tim and I went to see Batman, one of the original Batmans. This is a long time ago. This is in Batman Seven, Eight, Nine, The Joker. It was Batman, the first rendition of it. And that evening, we came home and we got a phone call from my husband’s mother-in-law that, or from my husband’s mother that my father-in-law was very sick. And it didn’t sound like there was much hope and his condition worsened.

                But that night, I just remember, I love my father-in-law’s so much, and I had lost my dad five years before, and it just brought so much grief into my heart to have to lose somebody else. I just didn’t quite know how I was going to handle it and I felt like I needed to be supportive, of course, of my husband and how he might feel during this process. So, in the middle of this whole thing of his father passing, I got some incredible news. I didn’t even know it, but here I was pregnant. And I was through the roof. I was so excited. I got wallpaper books, I started planning the baby’s room. I had waited for this for quite some time by then. And I remember I went to Vegas with my mom, and my cousin, Suzie, and my sister, Cindy, and we had so much fun.

                But before I got on the flight, I wasn’t feeling so great. And by the time I got home from Vegas, I felt like there was something wrong regarding the baby. And I went into the hospital to get things checked and the baby was gone. It was there, but it wasn’t there really anymore. And I was really sad. And my husband promised that we would do this again. And a lot of things happened, his father was sick, and his father then by Thanksgiving passed away. And pretty soon, I realized that we weren’t trying to have a baby, and that was something I really wanted to do. And then, after the devastation of losing a baby, it was like, “I really want to do this now.”

                A few more years went by, and still, no baby. And I was 36 years old. And I remember being at the university at Millersville and something was really wrong with my body. And I called the doctor to tell him that things weren’t going well. And he said, “I’ll tell you what, don’t eat or drink anything.” He called me at 10 o’clock at night, which was the weirdest thing ever because I’ve never had a phone call from this doctor ever at 10 o’clock at night. But I have a feeling that he also sensed that something was really wrong. So, he said, “Come over tomorrow at 9:00 A.M. and don’t eat or drink anything just in case we have to do some surgery.

                I listened to him and I went. And he said, “We’re going across the street. We have to do some surgery and stop the problem that you’re having.” And that was it. It was around Christmas time, and I was closing up the residence halls at Millersville University. And I was able to run over early in the morning to make sure that I had found help to close the building. And I got that in place and I went into surgery. And so, I had some time to recover because the buildings were closed, and that was really nice. And we had a wonderful Christmas that year. And on January 2nd, I got a phone call from my doctor that had called me late at night, and he said, “Candy, are you home alone?” And I said, “Yeah.”

                And he said, “Can you sit down for a little bit?” And he goes, “We’re going to talk for a while.” And I said, “Okay.” Never a great thing when a doctor says that to you. And I knew. So, I sat down and he said, “I know that you’ve done everything possible to get some certainty around having this second child that you’ve always wanted.” Which was such a true statement. And he said, “But you have problem, and here’s what it is.” In essence, he was saying I had precancer, which, 35% of people have active cancer, when they can get into the exact area to look. And it was in my womb where the baby would be formed. And what he needed to do in order to save my life was to take out my womb.

                So, I said to him, “Do they have transplants?” I was reaching. And, poor guy, he was like, “No, not yet.” And I said, “Well, then, I don’t think I can do it. And I don’t think I can have this part of my body removed because you know I’m going to have this little boy. I saw him many years ago now.” And he says, “I know.” He said, “I understand that.” And he said, “I would too wanted more children, but my wife’s health after the third child, there were signs that could have been really risky for her to have our fourth child.” And I, in my infinite wisdom, said, “Well, which one of those children would you have given up, of the three that you have?” And he said, “None.” And I said, “I don’t want to give up my two.”

                Now, remember, I only had my daughter. But that’s how much I felt that this little boy was already part of my life. So, from January to June, ensued a bit of an interesting plight. The type of cancer, I was in the oncology department in Hershey Medical with multiple tests there, multiple tests with my doctor, all confirming I had a big problem that needed to be addressed. The good news was, this type of cancer doesn’t grow quickly. And so, that made me feel like I had some time to get my head around this whole situation of, number one, not being able to fulfill a dream I had since I was a five-year-old girl. And I remember the day I pledged to myself to have two children.

                I was a little girl, I was five, and I had the prettiest pink dress on. It was made of 100% cotton. I still remember it. And it had tooling in the front, meaning, one piece of fabric was put together with stitching. So, it was really, it was like a French type of stitching, and it had a little pink collar. And I remember the pink bow on the dress had snaps on it so that you could take it off when you washed it. And my mom would iron this 100% cotton dress to perfection. And she and my father went to a wedding, and when they came back, they had brought the favors, they used to call them at weddings, and they were always mints, and they were wrapped in a white little netting. And they had two wedding rings with the name and the date typewritten and cut in a little Hershey Kiss tab, that it would look like that hanging off of the mints. And they would always save me this.

                And so, I remember leaving my aunt Carol’s in that little pink dress and being outside, and between getting in the car. And I put this wedding ring on like a marriage, and I looked up to the stars and I said, “I will be married and I will have two children.” And I was five years old. And I meant that with every part of my being. And I knew why I wanted that is because I was an only child then. And I remember feeling lonely at times. And so, that’s when I made the commitment. And so, that commitment that I made to myself, that pledge as a five-year-old girl was gone like that in a moment.

                So, as I kept going to Hershey, finally, I had to make a decision, and I decided to have the surgery on April 16th. But I was mad. I thought I was mad at my husband for not giving me what I asked him to for many years. And so, I wrote a letter and I put both of our wedding rings in a little pouch, and I put it in an envelope and I invited my girlfriend to take me. I asked her to take me to have the surgery because I was so angry at my husband, I couldn’t think that he would be the one to take me to surgery. And so, I had made the plans that I couldn’t live in this marriage because the pledge that we took to take children willingly and lovingly from God, to me, was broken.

                I think it would have been easier sometimes if it was a different thing, but it was heart-wrenching to me. But who I was really angry at was not him, it was me, for letting this, I’m going to call it a game, be played with me. That honesty about what he wanted and what I wanted wasn’t communicated. And that it was my full and complete responsibility to either say, “Hey, I need to be respected with this wish.” Or, “We need to get professional help to talk about it.” Whatever the case, I’m the one, for responsibility, that did not take responsibility for that and just let it go on, and on, until, in that moment, it was a tragedy to me. So, that was my game plan. And as they say, the best laid plans.

                When I went for my final appointment to have my surgery, I had to have one more examination because I was so young, and surgeries weren’t completely perfected about removing the uterus. So, we were going to see which type of surgery. And I just absolutely could not bear the thought of having a scar on my abdomen, because, in that moment, I had a deep wound in my heart, and I wasn’t sure that that was going to be able to heal. But a scar on my body to prove what was taken away, that little boy, I just couldn’t live with that. And if you say, “Oh, you could adopt.” I was adopted, I love being adopted, but this little boy was not adopted. He looked so much like my daughter. I knew he was a genetic child.

                And if I was having a challenge getting a genetic child, there was no way I was going to be able to ask for somebody else’s birth child to come into our home. So, for me, I felt completely hopeless. So, when I went to see my doctor, he sat me down, and as he went to examine me, I sat back up and I said, “I’m not doing this. I’m not doing this.” God bless him, what a great doctor, he sat down, he looked at me, and he didn’t say, “You’re crazy, people don’t see babies before they have them, and then risk their lives to have something that’s not there.” I think that’s maybe what I would have said, although I believe more than that. But I remember he had really dark eyes and they were really warm eyes, and he just looked at me, and he said, “Let’s talk about this.”

                He said, “You’re okay now,” and he said, “But this has been going on for some time.” And he said, “You have a sweet little girl to raise. And where this cancer goes is out of your uterus and goes down your fallopian tubes and into your ovaries.” He said, “We’re okay now, but when that happens, we’re not okay.” I got what he was saying, and I said, “Thank you,” because I knew that that was said out of love, and I left, thinking, “There’s no way in hell I’m getting the surgery.” That’s all my mind would go to. Even though I knew what he was saying was true and real, inside of my heart, I knew what I believed that this baby was coming was true, and it was real.

                So, he said, “Let’s make a deal.” And he said, “After the deal’s made, you have to follow through, or I can’t be your doctor.” Now, I can’t tell you the type of love I felt for this man. He was an incredible surgeon, he was an incredible doctor. He was willing to tolerate when I wouldn’t want to use one drug or use another drug or use some holistic things. He was extremely tolerant and honorable to my wishes always. So, I knew that that wasn’t going to be the end. I knew that I would still have a relationship with him. So, I said to him, “What’s the deal?” And he said, “You’ve had multiple tests, all the tests have been the same and have proved exactly what you have. Which, probably not saying right, but is a tubbiness hyperplasia and precancerous cells, which basically means, the only way to save the body is to get rid of the deceased organ.

                He said, “We’ll go in one more time, we’re going to do one more test and sampling, and whatever the results are, you have to have surgery within six weeks, and I’ll do it. But it has to be done within the six weeks. From the diagnosis, I’ll either make sure you get on the schedule or do whatever needs to be done, but this needs to be taken care of.” I shook on it, I said, “But here’s my deal, I’ll do the test, but I’m going on vacation and I don’t want to know anything when I’m on that vacation.” Because, I was having emotional spirals and negative energy and hateful energy towards my husband and I had finally transitioned my emotions around that. And so, I shook on that deal.

                One of the ways I did transition my emotions, and I don’t know what your belief system is, but I really believe in angels and guides, and that they come to us in our greatest needs. I was depressed when I was diagnosed, and I remember, about February, my husband was going to Phoenix again. Isn’t that ironic? And he invited me to go. He had meetings, so, I would have a lot of time to myself, but he always stayed in such nice hotels and breakfast were usually included. And it was Arizona, and it was February, and it was around my birthday. And he knew I was really depressed. And he knew I wasn’t myself, and definitely, wasn’t myself towards him.

                So, I agreed to go, but very loosely. He got me a flight, I was coming in late at night, and a car was supposed to pick me up. I think I got in at two o’clock in the morning. And he said, “Could you do me a favor and just let me know if you’re not coming?” Because, that’s kind of where we were at. I said, “All right.” But, honestly, I wasn’t going to make any promises. Because, I had to really lean into who I was and respect, I was sad, and I needed to just respect what was happening, because it was hard to push through. And at the time, I remember, I don’t think I was seeking any counseling or anything. So, I was trying to do this on my own.

                And so, I got there, I ended up going to Phoenix, Arizona to meet him. It was two o’clock in the morning, my car didn’t come. So, I’m standing out in the middle of an airport, and this is before cell phones, and Uber’s, and lifts. So, if your car didn’t come for you, you were either going to spend $250 on a taxi to get somewhere, or you were going to look for a bus, for the hotel, which, it’s two o’clock in the morning. There happened to be a dental convention, and I flew in with a husband and wife dentist, and they invited me to come along. I think they rented a car, and we happened to be going to the same hotel. So, that’s how I got there.

                I get to this fancy hotel really late at night with no bags, and my one rule is, before I go to bed, I have to brush my teeth or I don’t sleep all night. And, no toothbrushes. Fancy hotel and no toothbrushes to give out or to sell. Now I’m starting to get really pissy. It’s two o’clock in the morning, yes, it’s nice weather, I don’t have a toothbrush, I don’t have clothes for bed, I don’t have anything except my purse, and I crawl into bed. And that’s all I remember about that. I know I wasn’t happy. And the next morning, my husband kissed me goodbye, he gave me some certificates for breakfast and told me where to go. And I was like, roar, roar, roar. Grump, grump, grump.

                And so, I was wide awake, and I was lying there, and I was like, “I’m completely naked, I don’t have any clothes, I don’t have any makeup, I don’t have anything that I need,” and I was, grump, grump, grump. And it’s morning in Phoenix, Arizona. So, I’m just lying there. I’m holding the sheet up and I hear somebody in the other room that’s adjacent to us, when you came into our room, we had a whole sitting area with a bar, and then you walked through that area and there was a bedroom, and then you walked through another area and there was a beautiful bathroom. And so, I heard somebody, my husband had already left, and I heard somebody say something, and I pulled the sheets up even higher, and then I thought, “What did I just hear? What did they say?”

                And I heard a voice as distinct as the voice that you’re hearing in your ears right now, say, “You still have a uterus.” And I thought, “Well, what kind of bell boy would bring my bags in and say that?” Because, my whole thing was, that it was either Tim’s voice, or it was the bellman’s voice. But the third thing that was quite perplexing is I could remember thinking, “I don’t know if this was a man or a woman,” which was even more confusing. And later years, I learned that angels and guides can be often androgynous, or choose the sex that’s most relevant to the moment. And that’s why I couldn’t distinguish what this person was saying. I distinguished very distinctly what they said, but couldn’t distinguish their sex.

                So, I got up with the sheet wrapped around me and I checked the middle room, there was no bag, the door was locked safely, and I just was standing there scratching my head. I wasn’t depressed anymore, I was curious and wigged out, to be honest, because I never heard a spirit out loud like that. So out loud that it made me sit up and go look for them. But that’s the truth. So, I went in and I got a shower, and I felt better already. And then when I came through the middle room, guess what? During my shower, my bag had finally been dropped off. It wasn’t there when I had checked before, and now it was there. So, the day was looking up.

                I went and I had breakfast, and I was going to meet a student that I had worked with at the university and we were going to go shopping, and we did. But before we met, I was still scratching my head about, “What does this mean? If I heard this voice, what does it mean I still have a uterus?” And then I got excited. I was like, “I know what the angel guide was saying that I can still get pregnant because today I still have a uterus. Maybe I’ll wait and try to get pregnant, and then I could have my baby, and then I’ll get rid of my uterus. That’s what I’ll do.” That was my game plan. And I honestly had an absolutely lovely day. I went from severe depression and walking in a cloud, kind of like Pig-Pen’s cloud on Charlie Brown. I felt like that was always hanging around my head.

                And that uplifted, and it had been, at least, I’m thinking about five weeks by then, that I was walking around in this doom and gloom. My letter had been written, I was getting a divorce. My rings were in an envelope, in a little baggy. My surgery was scheduled, and I had made a deal with the doctor that what was going to happen is, I was going to have a little, I guess, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to confuse the story, but later is when I declined the surgery. At this time, I still had the surgery booked, when I was in Phoenix, Arizona. And that was my intention, until I heard the message of the angel. And then I was like, “Oh, yeah, here’s what we can do.”

                While I was at the mall, I bought really, I went to lingerie and I thought, “Ooh, we’re going to get this done. This baby’s coming.” So, anyways, it was a nice trip. It was a really, really nice trip. And when I got back, I called the doctor and I said, “Hey, here’s what I think can happen.” And that is the doctor’s office that he and I sat down, and he said, “Look, when you have these cells, healthy cells can not grow in an unhealthy condition, and your uterus cannot sustain nor can it conceive a child right now. You have a disease in your uterus.” Man, was I bombed. That’s when we came to our agreement.

                That was February, and March, my mother-in-law invited me to this place. It’s in Emmitsburg, Maryland, and it’s St. Joseph’s Church. And many years ago now, there was a woman, and I’m forgetting her name, I feel like it was Giovanni. And who she was, was a woman who went with some other women to a pilgrimage. I think there were six of them that went. And when the six of them came back, all of them were being visited by the Blessed Mother. And her visitations came every single week at 7:00 P.M. And so, when, I’m not sure who in the church got wind of this, they would invite this channeler and she would channel the messages of the Blessed Mother. And as I sit here right now, I’m actually looking at an image of what this channeler sees. She had an artist’s rendition, draw the actual features of the woman that she sees, who is identified as the Blessed Mother.

                So, we go to this place, St, Joseph’s, and my mother-in-law, Josie, God bless her. I mean, she has a picture with Mother Teresa, if that says anything about who she is and the journey that she’s led. She’s probably the closest thing to a saint I’ve ever met. She’s helped people in hospice and she helps children when they didn’t have a sponsor for Holy Communion, she just is that person. And so, she knew, although we don’t talk about things like that in his family as much at the time, we’re more open now, I think. It’s a different world even 20-some years later. But she took me to St. Joseph’s, and as soon as we got there, there was a woman named Bunny, like Easter Bunny, Bunny.

                And I’ll tell you a little bit about her later, but she was there, and what she does is she just welcomes people. She goes every single week, every single Thursday and she helps people to make their pilgrimage, so to speak, there, at St. Joseph’s Church in Emmitsburg, Maryland. And so, what she did is, she helped me to sign up for a private healing session with Giovanni at night, and she would bless us. And there was a man next to me and it was a simple blessing, to bless us for whatever our intention was. And of course, my intention was to have my son, and to have a healed uterus. How the day looked is we got there super, super early, and there was a five o’clock rosary in the evening and a seven o’clock rosary. And at the seven o’clock rosary, that’s when the Blessed Mother would come.

                I’ll never forget, we had special seats this Bunny really hooked us up. And they were up high, looking down into the church. And so, I had the privilege of watching the energy shift, as the energy of the Blessed Mother entered the church. I could literally feel the hairs on the back of my neck stick up straight. There was like this electric energy when this woman channeled the Blessed Mother’s energy. And no matter what religion you are, I’m just telling you this, it’s a story and it really happened to me. I looked down at the church and I saw some people having spasms and they were talking in languages I didn’t understand, and it was a little frightening and a little bit out there. But I just felt something special.

                What I haven’t yet told you is, before that seven o’clock moment, I was on my knees during the five o’clock rosary, and all of a sudden, I felt this like a little mini gentle tornado type motion underneath my belly button and above my pelvic bone, and it just felt like a little warm, gentle finger took one or two swirls, and I thought, “That was an interesting feeling.” Now, the only thing I had done for treatment at that time was taking a natural drug called progesterone, which just is helpful for the tissue of the uterus, that’s all it is. It cannot heal it, it cannot make cancer go away. It was like putting a bandaid on a situation, that could not heal anything.

                So, that was the treatment that I had, which was basically none. I was going to shaman and having my energy fields opened up and cleaned out. And this was new for me. This new age stuff was really out there, but I didn’t have anything. I had no medical assistance. There was nothing medically that they could do, except the thing I didn’t want, which was removal of the organ. So, I was eating special, I was putting special sense on my body, I was going organic. When I felt this little swirl, my first thought, of course, was, “Hmm, that’s interesting because I’ve transitioned all my eating and everything,” so, something was going on there for that moment. And that’s as far as that went.

                My mother and I, in-law and I, after the special blessing, how the day had started off when I met Bunny, I forgot to tell you, she gave me this anointing. She anointed my forehead, and it was supposedly from the tears of the Blessed Mother. There’s a statue that goes around that’s weeping, you could actually look it up on the internet, it weeps. And people collect, it’s like an oil, and it smells sweet, it’s fragrant. And this woman had this cotton ball in this little baggy for years. It had never dried up, and it smelled sweet. And she said she’s never put anything in that baggy except what she collected the day that she was somehow allowed to collect this precious, the tears of the Blessed Mother.

                She anointed me that day, and then, I already shared the day, and then we left. I had my blessing in the evening with a special, special woman and we left, after a very, very long day. And I happened to mention to my mother-in-law what this felt like. And she said, “Hmm,” this little like tornado feeling, she said, “That’s unusual.” I said, “Yeah, I don’t know what that was about. Never gave it much thought.” And so, now comes the time of the agreed upon procedure that Dr. K and I were going to do, and then we agreed that the results, I would have my surgery within six weeks. And we also agreed that he would not share any of the details of what the procedure said because I was going on vacation, and he happened to be going on vacation. And I just wanted a free and clear mind.

                I didn’t want to think on that vacation for seven days and seven nights about this up and coming surgery that I dreaded, to begin with. I just wanted to pretend like it didn’t exist for a week. And that’s exactly what I did. I enjoyed myself and I enjoyed my family, and the doctor and I did not talk. So, I get a phone call from the nurse and she reminded me that the doctor wanted Tim, my husband, to be with me. I guess he was probably going to have a little conversation with him, if I started to back out of my pledge, is what I’m thinking. And maybe, I’d done most of this by myself. I think he probably felt like I would need support. What a kind man. And so, Tim came with me, and the doctor came in, and he had said, “Oh, my goodness, I wanted to look at your chart before now,” and he goes, “So, give me a minute.”

                And so, he read my chart, and he sat down, and my heart sank. And he paused. And I wanted to open my mouth, because, I thought, “Shit, now I did it.” I waited too long, and I said, “Charlie,” and he said, “You’re okay.” He said, “Relax, you’re okay.” He said, “I just don’t know how to say this, but I’m looking at your test results and there’s nothing there.” I said, “Did they forget to provide the results?” He goes, “No, no, there’s results, but what I’m trying to tell you is there’s no precancer. It’s gone. And there’s no place for it to go.” And I’m sitting here trying to figure this out. Because, medically, this is unprecedented. He said, “I don’t even know exactly what to do with you.”

                And he pulls out a prescription pad, and he writes a prescription, he tears it off, and he looks at my husband and he said, “I don’t know if she can conceive a child, but I can tell you something, this is the time to try. For some reason, she’s been given a free and clear, and this prescription is prenatal vitamins. Start taking them, and start getting her pregnant, because this might be your window of opportunity.” And he says, “And I’m not sure how to explain any of this.” He said, “I don’t want to give you false hope, Candy, but I am telling you that you’re healthy, and you would be able to conceive, as far as I can see.”

                I’m pretty sure I floated out of the office, and I was so happy. And Tim and I never had another discussion, it just seemed natural to try after six months of this dreaded surgery. And so, this wanting, because we were trying, I just, I stopped thinking about it. I took this whole situation and I said, “I’m placing this in your hands. If I conceive, it’s meant to be. If I don’t, it’s meant to be.” But I was, at least, at peace. And I thought, “You know what? Maybe that’s why this happened to me. God just wanted to give me peace, and wanted us to stay married, and wanted us to stay raising this beautiful young lady,” who was now 14 and a half, our daughter. And so, I felt good.

                And guess what, two years later, we got to go out to Phoenix again. This time with Carly and her girlfriend. And while I was there, I wasn’t feeling particularly good, and I remember feeling a little nauseated. And so, that was fine. And I came home, and I did some counting because I was still taking that natural progesterone. And you went on it, and then off of it for few days. And I realized I had screwed this up a bit. And I hadn’t had my period, and I was about a week late from taking the progesterone. And I thought, “Shoot, with the travel, and the plans, and getting everything together, I just messed this up.” So, as I was throwing everything away and putting my stuff away from the trip, I realized there was, I had to buy a pregnancy test for some procedure, and I thought, “Well, I bought one and here it was a twofer.”

                So, I had half one left. And I took a pregnancy test, and then I threw it out. And then I thought, “You, goofball, you should, at least, look at the results.” So, I go back into the trash and there was window that was white and one window that was pink, and the box had two windows that were up. So, I threw it out again. And something told me to pick it back up again, and I’m like, “This is getting ridiculous.” So, I picked it up and I looked at the date and I thought, “Maybe this is expired.” And expiration date was good.

                And so, then, I don’t know why I did it, I never ever read directions, which is one of my problems in life. But as I read the directions, it’s about this hormone, and if you have a lot of it, sometimes one of the windows will be really light. So, I took my phone or a flashlight or something, and when I put the flashlight to the stick, I realized that both windows had pink on them. So, I walk around the house saying, “Please help me, somebody please help me.” Only my daughter is in the house with my husband, who is in the basement. And my daughter’s like, “What’s going on, mom?” And I’m like, “I think I’m pregnant.” She was like, “Oh, cool.” I mean, what does a 14 and a half say?

                But I was so shocked after 10 years by now, of wanting the second baby. And of course, this pregnancy test could have been wrong. I was still not sure if I did it right, the windows weren’t perfectly aligned like I said. So, I go downstairs and I’m like, I said to my husband, “You’re not going to believe this.” And he goes, “What? You’re pregnant?” I’m like, “I think I am.” The next morning, I decided to go to the doctor and had a test. And I was waiting for the results. I left the doctor’s office and I was thinking, “Hmm, I wonder if I’m really pregnant or not,” until they called and they said, “Congratulations, you’re pregnant.” And I looked at the calendar, and it was April 17th. My surgery had been scheduled April 16th. I conceived a child after pregnancy, and it was unprecedented.

                I’m now 59, my son is 20. He’s 19 years old. So, it was 20 years ago I was pregnant. And I had surgery a few years ago, and I said to the doctor, the same doctor that delivered my beautiful little boy, he walked me down to surgery because I had to have hysterectomy. I didn’t have to, there were some challenges, and he said, “You know what? At this age, I don’t know, we’re not going to have a precursor anymore.” I was 54, I think, 52. And he said, “So, it might be the best thing to have it removed.” And I agreed with him. He walked me down the hall, and which is unusual, I’ve always been carted off to surgery. And arm in arm, he said, “Do you know how many patients I have just like you?”

                And I thought, “Geez, my daughter’s, even today as we sit, she’s 33 years old. So, she was, at least, 30.” And I said, “Probably was in practice four years before that, because he was young then too.” And I said, “Probably about 34 years you’ve been in practice.” So, I would say, probably about a dozen people in his practices. Huge, I think one of the biggest in our county. And he said, “I am looking at the only person I’ve ever seen this happen to.” And I was like, “Wow.” I mean, I always knew that this was a huge gift, the pregnancy, but I hadn’t really processed how much of a gift it actually was. My son was, I mean, hands down, a gift.

                And I said to the doctor, I said, “Would you do me a favor?” I said, “When you remove my organ that gave me my two beautiful children, would you just spend a moment in thanks for it holding and protecting my two children, and bringing them to earth, so that I could have them in my life, and to hold them and to enjoy them?” And he promised he would.

                Here’s the part of the message that I want you to hear regarding hope. Right now, we’re in interesting times. They’re unprecedented. And some days, we might feel like there’s no hope, or there’s no controlling this. Or, “What if we can’t get our lives back?” There’s all these fears and questions and feelings of uncertainty. And as you listen to this, most likely, you will be at home. But here’s the message in all of this, the first thing is that, once I was pregnant with my son, his name was supposed to be William John or John William. William, after my father, John, after Tim’s father. Both had been deceased, both parents.

                And so, that’s what the name of this little boy was going to be. I knew it, I knew it, I felt it in my heart, but what I else also felt in my heart when I was pregnant was, there was a big feeling of a break being put on, like, “Mm-mm, it’s not his name.” But no other name would come to me no matter how hard I looked, and no matter how hard I tried. I remember one day, I had gone to BJ’s, which is a whole foods store. And I usually rarely eat meat, red meat, and especially back then I didn’t, and I was buying the Fred Flinstone packages of steaks and bringing them home. The big pack.

                And I remember I brought this pack home and my husband looked at me, not being able to say much because I’m pregnant, and he’s like, “What are you doing?” And I said, “I’m eating and I want steak.” So, I invited my friend over to talk, who worked with me and Tim, and the three of us were sitting there eating these steaks, and Tim looks up, out of nowhere, and says, “Phoenix.” I said, what do you mean Phoenix?” And he goes, “I just heard in my head that’s supposed to be our son’s name.” Now, as some of you may know, my business is run off of intuition. And I’m really good at it. But honestly, he has an intuitive side, we all do, he just uses it at different times and differently.

                But in that moment, I really believe he heard that voice that said, “Name your son Phoenix.” And I started thinking about, “Well, the first time I wanted my son, we were in Phoenix. Right before I found out I was pregnant, we were in Phoenix. So, that might be a cool name, Phoenix.” But that name was a little different. And when I started researching names of that generation, it wasn’t as different as I thought. So, I wasn’t overly concerned, but I just wanted to be certain. So, I just waited. I go into, at the time, my daughter was in a Catholic school in St. Leo’s, and everybody had known for years how much I wanted this baby. I mean, if people knew me, they knew I wanted a baby. And I would hold anybody’s little baby. It was an obsession for me to have this baby I wanted.

                And that’s a strong word, but I really was committed to having this child. So, when people found out I was pregnant, and that I had the cancer, which they watched that whole battle as well, I can not tell you the amount of cards, and the amount of joy, and the amount of love that was sent our way. It was incredible. So, I go over to the school and I happened to bump into the one and only nun, Sister Dorothy, in that parish. And she says, “I hear we have some excellent news.” And I said, “yes, sister, we do.” And we had just walked out of church. We were in the gathering space. And she said, “Well, this is a very special child, isn’t it?” And I said, “Well, all children are special, but this one really, in my opinion, is really one of God’s miracles.”

                And she said, “Well, what are we going to name this miracle baby?” And I said, “Well…” I’m thinking, “Oh, great, the nun has to ask me this, and it’s not going to be a Joseph or a Warhammer John,” and I said, “Sister, we’re actually thinking about this name, and it’s Phoenix, and it has special meaning to us, thinking of the two trips in Phoenix.” And she says, “Come here, I want to show you something.” She brings me back into the church, and we both look at this huge circular window of stained glass. And in the stained glass, she points to this bird flying, and then a Eucharist. And she said, “That’s a Phoenix bird.” And I said, “What do you mean?”

                And she said, “Look at my necklace.” She said, “Somebody’s handmade this. It was silver and it was a bird of sorts.” And I said, “I don’t understand, sister.” And she said, “Did you ever hear the story of the Phoenix bird rising from the ashes?” And I said, “No.” And she said, “You’re considering the name Phoenix and you’ve never heard this story?” I said, “No.” And she said, “There’s this golden bird, and this golden bird is known in many cultures, Asian culture, Indian culture, and Native American culture. And the premise of this story is that this bird, like hope, rises from the ashes of devastation.

                And as she started telling me the full and complete story, something inside my heart opened up and I knew that this baby was a Phoenix bird. It’s name was absolutely appropriate. And so, as time went on, I found more and more references about this Phoenix bird and it just seemed like such an appropriate name. And so, it’s getting closer to the time when the baby was supposed to be born. His due date, I still remember was December 13th. And I had been watching this story called the Baby Story, and I thought, “How cool the baby story is.” Back then, 20 years ago, real time TV was still unusual. So, these baby stories of real people giving birth sounded really cool. I don’t know what made me do it, but I got up from the TV after watching the baby story and I put my hands on the keyboard, and there was an email to send in this notification about your story, and I just shared the story that I just shared with all of you just now.

                And so, in the beginning of November, I get a phone call. And this person, it was a woman, she said, “Hey, my name is so and so, I’m from the Baby Story, and we’d like to do a story on you and your family about your up-and-coming birth on your son.” I was like, “Oh, my goodness.” And so, after a very long process of getting some approvals from medical staff, because you have to get approval from the doctor’s office, and the hospital, and multiple places, and get things signed off for liability and insurance. Thanksgiving was coming and so was the Baby Story to our home, to film the baby story. And so, we got a full and complete version of not only the birth, but the beautiful story of my son, and how his birth gave so many hope.

                So, today, what I’m saying to you is that, we are in tough times, we’ve all been in some sort of a tough time before, but how did it turn out? I thought I had cancer, I thought I’d lost my childhood dream of having two children. I had a husband who wasn’t overly cooperative at the time, and a body that was broken and unable to have a child. And yet, that boy is now 19 years old and brings joy into my life every day. And I can’t even imagine the last 19 and a half years without him. And I can’t even imagine giving my story of how he came into this world up. So, as you sit into your story that’s happening in your life right now with the pandemic, what is going to rise from the ashes of this time? What is going to be the Phoenix in your life? What is going to give you hope right now?

                I am a living example and a living proof, and my son’s birth is living proof. The two can come over and through any obstacles. This is serious, but we are all going to survive and overcome this. We are going to rise from the ashes. I invite you to look at my story. It’s very old story now, but I made sure that I have it on my website. It might be a nice divergence from Netflix, or you might just be curious of what the whole thing looked like, or you might just want to watch it. If you go to candicehozza.com/media, M-E-D-I-A, let me check my assistant. I believe that that is the exact link that you can utilize to see this beautiful story. So, make sure you put in www.candicehozza.com/, and you can put media, M-E-D-I-A. There’s also, /ababystoryvideo. But media is probably easier for you.

                So, I invite you to always reach out to me, especially in these times of need. You might not be a Christian, you might not be a Catholic. You might not even believe in intuition, or you might believe highly in intuition, it’s all okay with me. Those definitions don’t define who I am, but this miracle that happened in my life, taught me so much about believing, believing in myself, believing in hope, and showing other people the message of hope. So, that’s what I’m offering you today, and I’m sending you the message, we’re going to be okay. We’re going to be better than okay. We’re going to come out of this stronger, better, more aligned, with better ideas that are our core and our values.

                I’ve been sitting in this neighborhood for 30 years and just seeing the people walking around enjoying themselves, sidewalk chalk, the kids, the scooters again, people waving because they’re so happy to see anybody walking. And all the food, and how much I appreciate the food that’s being brought into my house because there’s days that we run out of the bread and the milk right now, and there’s a couple more days that we have to wait until we get those things. When have we ever had food rations in this country? We’re learning. There’s a greater appreciation for who we are, and probably, the freedom that we’ll have again, when we step out of this.

                If you want to reach out to me, and if you need somebody to talk to, I’m so grateful to talk to you about your situation, that thing that you feel that you can’t overcome, or that feeling of depression that comes in right now, those waves of sadness and fear. You can reach me at candicehozza.com/book, B-O-O-K, and pick a 30-minute spiritual strategy session. They’re complimentary. I’ll hold space for you and I promise to do it well. Sending so much light into you today and always. Have a great evening.

                Thank you for tuning into this episode. I hope that you feel more connected to your power within, and that you take action from the guidance here today. For more information, please head to candicehozza.com, where you will find more resources to help you and your business grow to the next level.