EP16: Releasing Your Black Ball


Are you ready to tap in to your power within so that your business can reach its truest potential? Hi, I’m Candice Hozza, and I help business entrepreneurs access their inner GPS so that their business can grow and thrive. You are here to serve and to create an impact in this world. Welcome to the Intuitive Business Podcast.

                Hello and welcome. This is Candy, and I am sitting here at my desk today. Big surprises. We’re all quarantined still. So as I’m sitting here at my desk, I had a whole agenda or thoughts to share with you. And I was ready to go. And as I moved my mic over, I realized that something was moving on my desk.

                So my desk is one of those, it looks almost like an Apple desk, but it’s not. And it rises, it goes up and it goes down. So it’s a standing desk, and it has a really nice motor on it. But it’s not very big. And I have my computer and some of my equipment on my desk and my podcast equipment. So the other thing I have on my desk are just a few pictures. My mouse, my keyboard, and one other thing.

                And as I moved my mic, that one other thing is a black ball. And I had no intentions of talking about this today. But in an intuitive business and with an intuitive mind, and basing my life off of awareness and paying attention. I noticed, I don’t think you can hear it. But my black ball start, you probably hear that sound, it start moving in its little dish. And why do I have a black ball on my desk? So because I’m intuitive, I can feel energy. So having a computer around me all day has a tendency to take some of my energy away.

                So I was advised by an intuitive medical doctor to get some protective energy. So I got this black ball. I forget what it’s called. I’m not a stone person, meaning I don’t know all the stones. I have my books and I have my stones. But I always go to an expert to find out what I need. So today as I moved my mic around and I saw the black ball moving back and forth, I realized I needed to share my story on my podcast about what just happened with me.

                So that’s what I’ve been guided to share, it was completely ill prepared for this moment because I had a completely different thing that I was going to share, which will be my next podcast, about the power of intention.

                So I started this program, it’s called Super High Performance, and I’m so grateful that I did this program. It was in the very, very, very beginning of the pandemic. And I’m not even sure that the person that planned this event knew how timely it would be.

                It’s a 60 day course and it’s very high performance. Every day you have assignments, and every day you must complete them. So it’s not like one of those courses that you just buy and maybe when you get to it, and maybe tomorrow. It’s not one of those courses. If you pay for the course and you don’t fulfill the commitments each day, you get locked out whether you paid for it or not. I like that, because I’m one of those people that need that type of accountability for myself. I like that, it feels good to me. And it makes me step up and not use excuses.

                So during the course of this, we’ve been faced with several challenges. Some things that we needed to lean into about ourself, and we’re learning self discovery. I think I’ve talked about this before, but we have six human needs. If you look it up on the computer, there’s a need for love and connection. There’s a need for variety. There’s a need for certainty. There’s a need for growth and contribution.

                I don’t know if I just went through all six. I’m sorry if I didn’t. Growth and contribution, so the personality needs, the part of the personality, the ego. That’s the thing that needs the variety, the growth, the contribution, the love, the connection. But when we get, I’m sorry, I misspoke. When we get to growth and contribution, those two are kind of a subset from the other six human needs. Because they’re the spirit part of ourselves. That area where we want to contribute and to grow. So it’s kind of like a ying and yang energy, or at least that’s how I see it.

                So for the contribution part, I am doing the pivot, which is a Facebook group that’s free. For the growth part, I took Super High Performance course and I’m laughing because that’s just me. I put myself in situations where I need to grow.

                And I’m grateful that I do that. But then when I get there, the little scaredy cat inside of me shows up. Has that ever happened to you where you’re very brave, maybe when you were little you stepped up to the rollercoaster and you just dreamed of getting on the Matterhorn or whatever it was called. And then as you’re on there, you can feel these little butterflies in your stomach. And you’re thinking, “What the heck did I just get myself into?”

                I remember a day that this happened to me, and it was kind of funny. I went to, I think it was Palm Springs, California. And I was with the Anthony Robbins organization and I had signed up for Master University. And Master University, what that was was for growth. And I was just in a situation that I just couldn’t seem to move forward in my life. I was stuck. And I would turn left and the block would be there. I would turn right and the block would be there, and I just couldn’t see how to get out of my own way.

                So I signed up for this Master University class with Tony Robbins and there were different things that you went to. You went to date with destiny, and you got clear with your values and with what a relationship is for you, and how to be in a relationship. And there was unleash the power within is how it started. And there was walking on fire. If you could walk on fire, you could do anything. And yes, I walked on fire. And believe me it was very powerful. I think I’ve done it I think 24 times now.

                And the one part that I was really nervous about going to was the Life Mastery. And I’m not sure what all of these are called now. I think the program is transition. But Life Mastery is you go to a place and it usually has a house spa connected to it, and you do a growth challenge. And the growth challenge was we climbed a 50 foot pole. Yes, it was like a telephone pole. And the top of the pole is no bigger than a plate, like a plate that you eat off of. And that’s what you had to stand on. A 50 foot pole standing in the air. Oh gosh.

                So I go to the event, and we don’t know where we’re going to go. We’re thinking it’s the first day, so we’re probably going to learn something or have our orientation of sorts. So we get on our bus, and they take us somewhere. And they make up some stories. So you’re nervous already. Then when you get there, there were 50 foot poles, several of them. And helmets, and strings, and instructors. So our goal was to go up this pole, 50 foot pole to climb it.

                So I didn’t wait too long. I forget what number I was. But oh my gosh, I cannot even tell you, I absolutely detest heights. If I’m in a hotel that has a balcony, I don’t lean into the balcony. I’ll go out on the balcony, but I feel wobbly legged and I feel very nervous when I’m up high. So having to climb up my ass up that pole was scary. And I keep giggling because I think how simple I get myself into these situations, you know? And I’m grateful like I said for it, but I remember I’m starting to climb up the pole. And as I climb up the pole, my voice kicks in. And I’m saying, “Candy, you are such an asshole.” And I’m saying this out loud with each of these … so on this pole are these metal things that jut out. So you have to put your foot on these each way up. And they kind of rotate around the pole. So you have to get the right footing, and then get up to the next level, and up to the next level.

                So I don’t know how far I am, it wasn’t far, until I start cussing myself out. “You don’t think things through. You have these grandiose ideas that you are going to go to this Life Mastery and now you’re on this f-ing pole.” And I’m just going down this awful, cursing like a sailor with each and every step.

                So I get up to fairly the top pretty quickly because I’m pissed at myself. And I don’t know why I was yelling and angry at myself at the time, but I get up pretty much to the top. And then my limiting beliefs about myself and my abilities kick in. And I’m at the top of the pole, not standing on top, trying to get that last step. So here’s what’s happening.

                Cuss myself all the way up. I am so sure. And when I eventually get down, people were laughing in hysterics. Not at me, but with me because that’s how rough I was on myself. They said all my demons were coming out. And not the real ones, but the inner internal demons that were inside of myself, I was just letting it all out.

                So what was happening when I got to the top is you have to take a fairly big step. Because think about it, you have one foot. You’re not allowed to use anything to pull yourself up on this pole, but you are strapped into a harness with a bungee cord off the back. And there’s some unknown person holding that rope. Somebody I’ve never met before is holding my ass up from hitting the ground.

                So the first thing that I learned is I don’t trust as easily as I thought I did. Because I can’t tell you how many times as my demons were coming up that I was looking down at that person saying, “Do you got me? Do you have that rope?” Because I knew that the only thing between me and the ground was first of all, myself. Holding myself on the pole. So maybe who I wasn’t trusting was myself. But if I slipped from that pole, what they needed to do was be able to hold that rope still so that I would just dangle instead of flop to the ground. And I’m no small potato, so I was pretty nervous about that rope holder.

                So between cussing myself out and saying, “Do you have me? Do you got me? Do you got me?” I was trying to get up. And there’s no easy way to get up on this pole. None at all. And I’m not an athlete. And at the time I probably was in my forties, and so I wasn’t a young person either.

                So I’d get the one foot up on that plate. That was the 50 foot pole. But I couldn’t step up, or at least that’s what I was having a challenge with. So it took me 20 minutes of keeping to try to step, to get this step, and I was getting frustrated. And it was very hot and I was exhausted. I was probably completely dehydrated by then. And the instructor comes over.

                So the instructor is a guy named Scott who at the time, I think it was between 12 and 16 Ironman competitions. And I don’t know how to explain all of what the Ironman is. So I invite you to look it up. But I do know it’s swimming, and running, and bicycling. I think you do all three and it’s hillish terrains. And I believe it’s in Hawaii, and it’s not an easy thing. That’s why it’s called an Ironman.

                So anybody that ever does those, it’s kind of like I’m bowing and hail to the chief. They’re athletes, serious athletes. So that was who was in charge of this health quest at Life Mastery. He was in charge of all of us. So he is down looking down at my pole, because of course somebody must have notified him that we kind of have a cat on a pole theoretically. Because chances are at that moment I was starting to get pretty freaked out, so I wasn’t going to come down easily and I wasn’t going up easily. And the clock was ticking, and ticking, and ticking.

                So he finally yells up to me and I’ll never forget this, and this is quite a few years ago. He says, “Candy, how else is this moment showing up in your life?” Wow. Even as a precarious situation as I was in 50 feet up in the air. And the pole sways, I have to say the pole is swaying to and fro, to and fro. Even though this pole’s in cement, there’s no way to get stability with a person, a live person climbing up the pole and wind. So when Scott says that to me, I thought, “Holy geez, he’s right. This is exactly why I came to the program.”

                Which wasn’t to paint a whole ton of money and multiple commitments. I think it was a $10,000 program, and then multiple commitments to get there. I don’t know between flights, I’m sure between flights, and hotels, and food. I probably had another 15,000 in the program. So it was quite expensive program. And at the time I was working in a university, so I had to plan and take my days off around these programs.

                So Scott says, “How else is this showing up in your life?” And I thought about the box that I felt like I was in, when I was trying to turn left and I was blocked, and I turned right and I was blocked. And I thought, “You know what? This is your moment not to ask that person who’s holding the string of your life if you trust them, but rather if you trust yourself enough to win, to succeed. To get my ass up that pole.” And I was already up. But to stand up on that wobbly pole that was no bigger than the size of a plate. And I thought, “F yeah, I’m going to get myself up there.”

                And I took a deep breath in and said, “This is it.” And I put my foot up and then I stood up. And I was standing on the pole. My arms were in the air with celebration, over my head in victory. And all of a sudden I thought I am going to take in this view of Palm Springs, California.

                And I remember just looking out and just, it was so beautiful. It looked a little dry, a little desert-ish. But there were trees and there was a tree line, and it was a very enjoyable view. My hands were in the air, and I was thrilled with myself. I had succeeded, until you have to come down.

                And I’m laughing totally at myself, but how you come down is you have to project yourself. That means you have to leap while not holding on to anything. You have a harness on, but it’s a very odd feeling. You have to leap away from that 50 foot pole, and there’s a triangle, like a trapeze triangle. And I had already seen through multiple other people, at least five other people times multiple different poles I watched. And the only people that seemed to be hitting that triangle were guys that were about six foot tall. So whatever the physics of that were, that’s who seemed to be winner winner chicken dinner moments. The other people just fell. Just fell. You start falling. So that’s what I was standing there thinking about.

                So Scott’s statement of, “How else is this showing up in your life?” Got me on the pole and up the pole. But I didn’t know how I was going to get down because I knew the reality was I was going to have to let myself fall. And in that moment, I was also going to be putting my trust in somebody else’s hands.

                Has this ever shown up in your life where you realize that you don’t trust yourself? And you don’t think things through. And thank God sometimes you don’t. Sometimes it is about taking a leap of faith. In your business and in your life, and in your growth.

                So I thought, “You know what, I’m going to look at that trapeze like I have the ability to get there. And that’s what I’m going to do.” Instead of thinking I know I’m not going make it onto that trapeze because you have to be a 6’0″, and I’m a 5’4″ woman that’s not an athlete. So instead of telling myself what I wasn’t, I decided to tell myself what I was. And I was a person that could leap towards that triangle. And so I did. And I started to fall to the ground. I pretty much thought my heart once somewhere else, like out of my body. But I did it. And they kind of slowly bungee you down to the bottom. And I was met with so many people that just hugged me and just gave me so many accolades. I don’t know if I cried, but I feel like I want to in the moment because that moment of celebration with others was so joyful. And the adventure wasn’t, I’m sorry I keep laughing, but the adventure wasn’t over then.

                So I stayed and I supported other people and watched their journey, and cheered them on. And realized a lot about myself, about how I do things, and about ways that I no longer wanted to show up.

                I wanted to be that person that believed I could succeed. And once I became that person, I didn’t make that particular goal. But when I got down to the bottom alive, I did achieve that goal. I did that. And I’m really proud of that.

                So how does that lead us back to the moment when I pulled my mic across the table and my black ball start moving back and forth? I kind of think it was talking to me. And what it was saying is tell the viewers, the listeners your black ball moment the last week. So why not do a growth challenge story during a pandemic? Right? Jeez.

                I didn’t overthink my decision to join this group. It wasn’t a small fortune. But in this time period, it was an investment and I was willing to make it and I didn’t even think about it when I did. I made the investment, I showed up for the program. And one of the exercises that this person gave us was the black ball.

                And I’m going to offer this to you. So the first thing is if you would like, the gentleman I was working with is the same person who helped me start my podcast. And his name is Simon Lovell, L-O-E-V-L-L. And the book that he wrote was called The Black Ball. And the pretense of The Black Ball book is when you speak your truth, you release that shame, that energy that’s blocking you from getting to the next level of you, and most likely your business. So today that’s why I wanted to honor my awareness and talk about my black ball.

                So there were three parts to my assignment. One is to answer a very, very long list of questions about getting your head around your black ball, the thing that’s holding you back. That truth that needs to be spoken. One of the original wounds that you have.

                And what I love about this is it reminds me so much of the Akashic Records. And we’ve talked a lot about the Akashic Records and simply, I’m going to say it was the Akashic Records, the Akasha is the word for sky. And the energy field of the Akashic Records is basically an energy field within all of us. That’s a database. And it’s connected to divine source, and it’s an infinite space of wisdom, truth, and love. And unlimited possibilities.

                So you can kind of see how my original story and this initiation into the story I’m about to tell you what the black ball ties so well into the Akashic Records. Because when you’re in that energy field, there’s a healing modality. And it’s to release the blocks that are holding you back.

                And it does it in your energy field. So it might be things that are in your unconscious mind. It might be things in past lives, and if you do or don’t believe in them, I just can tell you I’ve seen them, that energy in the past life energy field. It could mean we have past lies. It could mean that we’re all living multi-dimensionally. It could have tons of meanings.

                So I’m just going to use it for this purposes of this lifetime. That when I do work with somebody, we can release this at an unconscious level, at a soul level, soul wounds. So Simon has his own beautiful technique. And as a healer, I like to be growing all the time because I’m asking I believe, people to step up when they’re working with me. So I should also be stepping up and I should be creating stronger muscles and stronger energy in my own self so that I can hold space at a greater and higher level for all of you.

                So the three parts of the exercise was this endless list of questions. We had to complete that. We had to read the book. We didn’t have to, but we were invited to. And the third thing was a challenge, and it was a speaking your truth challenge.

                And we were to go live on Facebook, and we were to say something like, “I hate to admit, this is hard for me to share.” And that was the introduction line. And after I did that, I had to come up with what was I going to talk about? What’s my black ball? And after all this work and a really cool meditation, I love to meditate. And he walked us through a meditation where we released our black ball. And I remember during the meditation, there was a person that I knew I needed to forgive. And I did in the meditation, but I also saw a black ball. And I knew it had to do with me, but I wasn’t sure what in that one meditation. So I did feel successful. I did feel like I accomplished my task.

                But then came the moment on Facebook, and I knew what I wasn’t doing well in the group. And we were invited to do this. Look in the mirror meditation with ourselves and sharing our love with ourselves. And I’ve invited people to do this exercise through their own guides in readings in the Akashic Records, and it’s called Ho’oponopono. So if you look up Ho’oponopono, you look into your eyes and you say, “I forgive you. I love you.” I forget all the words around it, but look up Ho’oponopono. And it’s Hawaiian.

                And I’ve done this before, and it was lovely and it worked. But this time, I kept looking in the mirror. And I saw my age. I saw there were too many hairs here, and too few hairs here, and too many gray hairs there on my face. And this eyelid was sinking too far. and I was kind of shocked at my moment of vanity. I didn’t think I was that vain. But there was something else going on. and as I went live, I knew that I couldn’t connect with myself right then. There’s something just seemed off.

                And as I began my Facebook Live, I was honest. I said, “I’ve been doing this exercise and I’m struggling with loving myself.” And I can’t remember all of what I said honestly because I really, truly was speaking from the energy of my heart.

                What I do remember that I was saying was that there was a relationship to me not taking care of my health and me not loving myself. And it’s one of my core wounds. And I know where it comes from. However, that wasn’t important in the moment. What was important was sharing with 1,600 people of friends and family that I wasn’t stepping up to my own health issues.

                And what I thought I was going to do was a juice, but that in the pandemic just isn’t a good fit for right now. So what I’m going to do instead is look at the recipe books that for whole food 30 or whatever that’s called, and just eat higher quality foods in the proportions that are suggested. Instead of doing some dramatic diet, I want to do something slower that I can lean into and learn from.

                So as I’m doing this Facebook Live, I share the story about me not being able to look at myself in the mirror. And I knew I was going to talk about this. So I had a mirror sitting next to me and I pulled it out and I said I commit to when I looked, do my morning meditations, that I will be looking in the mirror and sending love to myself, and connecting with my internal love. Because by staying connected with myself, I thought that that would be the connection that I needed to stay connected to my health. That’s what I was proposing in that moment.

                And in that moment as I say that, I hear this loud crash. And I had already shown them the mirror, and I put the mirror back on my desk and the mirror was sitting there safely. But what had happened is my black ball fell off the desk. And a loud crash in the middle of the Facebook Live. And I held up my black ball and I said, “I’ve just spoken the truth. My black ball has been released.” And I started to cry, and I felt like I lost 71 pounds of doubt, of fear, of not trusting myself, of not taking care of my body, of not owning my value. All of that came out with that ball.

                And when you read Simon’s book, that’s what happened to him. That’s what was so incredible is he was holding a black belt ball. And when he spoke his truth in one of these growth challenge games he was playing, the ball almost projected out of his hand when he spoke his truth.

                So that is what needed to be said today .Is what black ball are you holding onto right now? Is there a conversation that you need to have with yourself or with somebody else? Possibly a parent, possibly a sibling, possibly a spouse. That you’ve been holding onto that’s taking up energetic space in your body. And instead of you being able to freely flow through your business and your life, you might feel stuck at times. The same way I was stuck climbing up onto a 50 foot pole. I was stuck getting up. I was stuck getting down. That must be my stuck pattern. At least I’m all encompassing. I don’t just partially get stuck. I just go all into stuckness.

                And as I say this to you now, I’m just wondering what is it that you’re going to do today? Not tomorrow, but today, to start the release of your black ball. Maybe it’s reading Simon’s book, or maybe even right now listening to this you already know what’s holding you back.

                And remember this is so easy to release. Just go on a live Facebook post, and put, “This as hard for me to share.” And share it from your heart. Some other people’s black ball in the group, some were addictions. And they got on Facebook Live and talked about the details of their addictions. There was somebody that Simon used as an example, and it was tough. I mean he’s like, “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking I had two drinks a day. I would drink this energizer drink to go with a bigger buzz, and I would do this.” It was planned out. It was planned out, the intention of the abuse with the drugs.

                And I don’t know what happened with that situation because that wasn’t part of my group, but I can tell you some of the people in the group had multiple people reach out to them and say that they loved them, that they admired them, that they felt their heart. And one, even though admitting something serious like a drug addiction in the past and letting go of that in the moment. Was even offered a partnership to partner on a business something or other. I don’t know where that’s going to go.

                But my point is exactly what we think that we fear the most about speaking our truth isn’t always the truth. Just like when I was climbing up the pole, worried about that person that was holding onto that rope. Instead of worrying about my ass just getting up that pole, and me taking responsibility for myself.

                So I invite you to do a few things. One is ask yourself the question, “What is my black ball?” That thing that once released will bring you freedom. It will set you free. And two is are you willing to take the challenge of saying your truth publicly in a way that will make an impact?

                What if when I went live, that there was somebody sitting there thinking, “You know what? I am so unhappy with myself that I don’t want to live anymore.” And then they saw this truth being shared, and maybe it touched their heart. And maybe it just gave them a moment of self reflection of saying, “You know what? Maybe that’s what my problem is. I don’t love myself enough. And maybe I need to think about this before I take an action to do something negative to myself.” What if you’re the person that changes that, because you speak from a genuine place of truth?

                I’m sure a lot of you right now have been on virtual networking calls. And did you ever hear somebody when they do their 30 second pitch and it just sounds like something from a Charlie Brown teacher that goes [inaudible 00:39:59]? And I don’t mean to belittle anybody’s 30 second pitch. But they are so in their head, I can’t feel them. So I don’t know if I want to work with them. I mean they could be offering me a million dollar bill in their hand. And in that moment, if I don’t feel connected to them, connected to their heart, I don’t care what they have in their hand. What I care about is what they have in their heart.

                So in the intuitive business, I invite you to lean into your truth, to lean into your heart, and to stay aware. And when you’re thinking you need to share one thing, maybe the truth is that you need to share your black ball.

                If you want to reach out, one of the things that I’ve offered before and I’m going to offer again is if you go to candicehozza.com/love, L-O-V-E. I have a beautiful self-affirmation of love statements and I created them to share a while back when we work on with our pivot to profit that I’ve had in place since I think last September. So one of my clients teased me and said, “That pivot thing is all over the place now, you were one of the forefront owners of it.” And they said, “You must have seen that in advance.” And I thought, “Oh my goodness, if I saw this whole mess in advance, I don’t think I would have been happy seeing it because it’s a lot right now.” And the second thing as I bump my desk in it and it moves like a George Jetson dusk.

                The second thing I invite you to do is if you want somebody to talk to in this pandemic and you’re thinking, “I think I do need to release something.” And you can’t quite figure out what it is, that’s one of the ways I can support you at a soul level. To release the blocks that are holding you back. So you can get back into alignment, get focused on where you want to go, each level of that pole. Going up, and up, and up. So getting into your focus.

                And then the energy of flow, which was when I landed from the 50 foot pole. And that celebratory moment just gave me such joy and freedom. I felt so powerful. I mean if you would have put a Wonder Woman belt on me and gave me that cute little costume, I would have rocked it. I just felt like Wonder Woman in that moment.

                So if you want to talk to me and you know that you’re needing just a little more support, I offer complimentary spiritual strategy sessions or business alignment sessions. And you can get either one of those at candicehozza.com/book, B-O-O-K.

                So I’m excited to connect with you. Go release your black ball. Listen to the book or read the book. It’s on both formats. And please reach out to me, put some comments below. I think that also helps a little bit with I don’t know about ratings and all that stuff, but I’d love to hear your comments below as well from this particular show. So thank you. And stay safe, stay happy and healthy. And sending you so much light, love and joy.

                Thank you for tuning into this episode. I hope that you feel more connected to your power within, and that you take action from the guidance here today. For more information, please head to candicehozza.com where you will find more resources to help you and your business grow to the next level.